Love Language - are we really conscious in what we are saying to each other?

As Valentine’s Day approaches, today I want to explore the idea of love languages & ask are we really conscious in what we are saying to each other?

Couples’ counsellor Gary Chapman says we all communicate through love languages – the ways we like to show love & to have love shown to us - & that some levels of dissatisfaction within our relationships arise because we are not aware of our own love languages & the ways that this may differ from those of our loved ones.

If we get to know ourselves & understand what being loved feels like for us & for our loved ones, we open up opportunities to deepen communication & connection within our relationships.

Chapman says we tend to communicate through 5 love languages

• Words of Affirmation

• Acts of Service

• Receiving Gifts

• Quality Time

• Physical Touch

We may communicate mainly through one or perhaps we may veer towards a combination of these but generally these love languages allow us to communicate the ways we want to give & receive love.

If you take a moment to really think about sharing time together but being unable to speak someone else’s language you become so very conscious of the ways that communication is likely to be haphazard, hesitant, often gestural & so very open to misinterpretation.

Translate this into sharing a relationship with someone who has a different love language & it’s easy to see how the depth & subtleties of our communication is so easily lost if we don’t know & are not fluent in what feeling loved actually feels like within us & unaware of the ways that our loved ones may express love or wants love to be shown to them.

Do you know your own love language & have you ever thought about the ways that your love language may differ from your loved ones?

Our authentic love language is the set of gestures that give us the warm glow of feeling we are giving & receiving loving connection - that most basic of human needs.

• Words of affirmation give voice to the powerful sensations of love that is felt inside.

• Acts of service declare that actions speak louder than words, each gesture demonstrates loving commitment.

• Gift giving offers tangible tokens that inspire the heartfelt sense of being held in mind.

• Quality time shared kindles a palpable feeling of investment in the connection.

• Physical touch communicates intimacy & connection with a flood of feel-good hormones.

Communication is key in any relationship & so one of the most beautiful & powerful things we can do to show commitment in our relationship is to learn to understand our own love language & become comfortable with sharing why certain gestures make you feel valued. This builds wonderful feelings of mutual connection with our partners, with our family & even enhances communication & connection within the workplace.

Realising that we speak in different love languages does not spell incompatibility within our relationships but being unaware of or insensitive to differences in each other’s love languages & the ways that these are being communicated can become corrosive if we constantly feel we are unheard or if our partner feels their efforts & gestures are going unseen.

If we become intentionally aware of what makes us feel connected & learn to feel confident in sharing our authentic love languages, we can ask for more of what makes us feel good & what brings us deeper connection & we can learn to become more compassion in understanding our loved one’s behaviours, becoming attuned to what may have been be invisible loving gestures so we can give these their appropriate place within our emotional radar.

Would you like to become more consciously aware of your own love language & more attuned to noticing & accepting the differences in the languages your loved ones speak? If you are interested in exploring & becoming more comfortable with speaking about your love languages & in building deeper communication with your loved ones, I would love to support you.

For more exploration of the impact of love language watch this space.

Warm wordy hugs

Laura xx